I just really haven’t been active on this blog at all – which really was a good thing, because it meant that I didn’t need help with life, and that the support I receive from my family and friends were sufficient. However, I wished I had at least written updates, because life was really interesting in June.
I had a little incident in June when I had to pull out of a group that was planning to go to Japan.
Key: Friend (A) = girl, Friend (B) + (C) = male
Originally the trip included only me and friends B+C, but because my mom would only let me go if there was another girl going with me, we managed to get friend A to join the group. I was then notified that friend B would be purchasing plane tickets for A+C, which I was originally fine with (because I didn’t think much about why, and I admit that was my first mistake). C discloses to me that apparently there was a discount involved, and according to company policies, B’s father could only cover for C+A. I’d say that was the changing point. I was originally fine with B covering A+C because I assumed there was some kind of limitation, or 4 tickets would be too much to have one family purchase them.
Initially, I was just panicky and sad because I was only looking at small details, but the days passed, and I began to get progressively disappointed. Why wasn’t B truthful about this from the beginning? Why did C disclose that to me only because he felt slightly unsure about the huge discount? Why hasn’t B confronted me about this yet?
My biggest mistake in all this was thinking too much about how happy the trip would be and trying to brush off all these problems when in reality, I knew deep down somewhere that it wouldn’t work out because I wouldn’t be able to trust them. My second mistake was actually telling C that I was okay with it, even when I felt unsure. It would’ve made pulling out so much easier. (Although I should note that it’s absolutely fine for me to change my mind, and C would’ve been dissatisfied either way though, just because I was saying no.)
Then C tells me that friend D (also male) would be joining the group, and at first I was okay with it, which was what I told C. But the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I felt. In this group, the person I know best is A > C(only started knowing four/five months ago) > B(friendly, but rarely speak to) > D(spoken to two times?).
I felt really out of place.
I wish I just told B+C very simply that I was pulling out of the group.
I thought about it a lot, and “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. I didn’t need to give them reasons; no one had purchased plane tickets or lodging, hadn’t even planned an itinerary. Why did I feel I needed to justify my decision?
As one friend pointed out: inferiority complex. I need to have some more respect for myself, honestly. I didn’t need to say more than that, yet I did. Not that not giving reasons would’ve made the pulling out any easier, but I should’ve held more respect for myself.
I’ll try to organize the trip again, but with different people. If it works out, then everything’s good. If it doesn’t work out due to another miscommunication/disclosure/pressure problem, the issue might be me.