Yes, it’s going to be a rant, and no, it’s not going to be pretty.
I would honestly love to shove my mother into a psych office, because she desperately needs to talk to a professional. As she gets older, it’s getting harder for her to let things go, and her temper tantrums last for days, even weeks.
I’ve actually talked to my dad about a divorce, in which I would not blame him at all, but he feels more resigned to this lifestyle, and the horrible truth is that my mom would probably take her own life if my dad were to ask for a divorce and/or if I were to leave forever. Both are highly unlikely, but I’m definitely not planning to stay in this household when I graduate college, and regarding financial issues, my dad said that he doesn’t mind paying for rent and all as long as I’m studying for a degree, or actually trying in life. He keeps telling me how fortunate I am, not because of what I’ve received, but the fact that I’m away from home 70% of the time makes me not a target of my mom’s tantrums.
It’s really horrible, seriously, how my mom loves to push the blame off to everyone (and everything). Pocket dials from her phone? “I didn’t do it, the phone just did it on its own.” …Pocket dials are fine, and it’s not a shameful thing to say, “Oh, perhaps I might’ve accidentally called you.”
No, that’s not my issue though. It’s her approaches to everything.
She clearly loves me, and tries her best to provide for me, but the execution is just…terrible. “Why are you eating so much? It costs so much to feed you.” “You’ve done nothing since break started, you should feel shameful.” “You’ll never repay the debt you owe me.”
I understand that she has her own opinions, and I will not say that she is wrong. She’s technically right, from her own point of view; it’s just that she ignores what isn’t convenient. Like the fact that I’ve handed over almost all of my paychecks, and paid for most of my purchases. Or that I manage half of the bills and all of the health/car- related things.
It’s fine with me, but when I told her that I’m probably going to move out after college, she snapped.
Up until this point, everything was fine. But I’m going to draw the line here and say this is where I shift from being “understanding” to assertive. No, you aren’t wrong and I’m not right, but I can make my own decisions, and the tragedy is that your actions are forcing me out of this household.
No, I don’t want to live here where a question is an accusation, where I am held tightly on a leash, where I am constantly reminded of a debt that I can’t repay (coworker whose kid is in his 20s – it’s not a debt you should repay; it’s a duty, not a credit line), where I am constantly reminded of my mistakes and everything I’ve done wrong. I’ve really had enough.
I’m quite serious when I say that I wouldn’t blame my dad at all if he were to propose a divorce, but as I said: my mom will really lose it if my dad does that.
She just can’t learn to let go of some things, and understand that my dad and I are human beings capable of thoughts and emotions. She can’t hold onto me forever, and she can’t treat dad like a punching bag when it’s convenient.
I’m not angry, but I am in a “whatever”-mode, and generally, that’s worse than being angry.
Loving someone does not make you “right” in everything. What you want for them may not be what they want.
Your best intentions may not be their wishes.
(PS: Feel free to think that I’m an ungrateful bastard, because I think I’m one too.)