Lost

Have you ever lounged on your bed, thinking about everything and nothing, watching aimlessly as the sky glows then darkens?

Have you ever sat at a coffee shop, sipping a cup of coffee alone, wondering, where am I?

Sometimes, I’m on my laptop, and after finish a fan fiction, I close the tab and open a new one. But my hands are still, hovering over the keyboard.

What was I meaning to type? What’s after the end?

It is during times like these when I feel hopelessly lost and small, which is why I pack my schedule as tight as possible, to ensure that I don’t have any time for myself. But occasionally, I will be left to my own devices, and that is when I fear.

Being lost in this confusing society is terrifying enough, but being lost in my own head is a torture I would beg and grovel to get out of.

In my house, there are too many “could’ve” and “should’ve”s. Unknowingly, I will eventually curl up on myself and apologize, to myself and the world.

With misplaced intensity, I often wonder why natural selection decided to work to my advantage and allow me a place in this universe. Wasn’t there someone else who deserved more than I did (do)?

I don’t know what my purpose, or if I even have a purpose. But I suppose I’ll drag my legs along this dirt road we call life and see what adventures life has in store for me.

This path I walk on, was it built on the countless number of corpses, creatures who walked on this earth?

Are they proud, or horrified?

But I’ve got no time to think about that.

As I walk on, whispers rise from the earth behind me, but I pay them no attention as I focus on the ghosts that haunt my present, and future.

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