Status

Dread

Summer’s just started, yet I’m already dreading my return to San Diego in the fall (…).

Sweaty palms and a frantic heartbeat are my companions when I walk to class. Every glace aimed towards me, I receive with a flinch and dark thoughts. Apparently, it’s what they call social anxiety.

I overthink all the time, and it really isn’t good for my heart to keep thinking about such dark things, yet I am only at the first step of resolving my problems, and I cannot even know if I’ll ever be able to walk into a crowd without thinking that someone is going to push me to the ground, stab me, hurt me.

When I am in a public area, my eyes will wander on its own and observe people, and look for exits. Which paths could I take to escape the chaos?

I am still so very lost, and I can only hope that this summer, I will learn to find my way to safety.

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2 thoughts on “Dread

  1. Anonymous says:

    I know how you feel to a degree. I get nervous in public places and sometimes try to avoid people that I don’t know or don’t know too well. I feel like I don’t fit in well and that they are watching to see if I am going to make mistakes.

    • We are most often remembered for our mistakes, and not our accomplishments.

      After being watched for a while, it’s rather hard to not make a mistake, which is why I avoid being watched, and yet I enjoy observing others.

      Yet, mistakes become molds to a number of pieces to the structure that defines who we are. Mistakes shape us, but they are most definitely not us, and even if they become pieces of who we are, nobody can be made of simply mistakes.

      Went off topic a little, but rest assured that we are definitely not the only ones reluctant to be unfamiliar crowds with calculating eyes on us.

      Have a nice day!

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