I am, I will be

Oh my god, I upload something I wrote on Tumblr for once.

 

The truth is, I hate studying.
It’s different from one year ago, when I’d read the textbook for fun,
or look over my notes from the day before;
I no longer have a relationship with the words or the numbers.

The truth is, I blame myself.
I’ve been taught, that the responsibility of knowing the material
is with the student, and the teacher is simply a handler of information.
I thought something was wrong with me.

The truth is, I no longer believe in numbers and letters.
When I see a 90% on my test, I do not understand
the significance of those  three characters.
All I know is to be above 90, A-, and passing.

The truth is, I want to change.
I want to feel the passion of the teachers teaching,
I want to see happy students studying, not for the sake of the characters,
but to know, to understand, because it is important.

The truth is, I try.
I try to think that perhaps I’ve closed off my heart,
forgot joy and love for learning, and thought myself
as someone who didn’t need the learning.

The truth is, I forgot about my choices.
I left Passion for Reality, but I forgot, forgot that
they were both part of me,and I have been living in pain to rid of the joy, for I thought joy brings only pain.

The truth is, I am going to fight.
Passion trusts me no longer, and
Reality has its vines with thorns wrapped tightly around me,
but I forgot, that I have a sword.

The truth is, I can live and survive.
My love and passion are my eyes,
my desire and dreams my hands,
and my words are my weapons.

The truth is, I will wage a war.
A war on hate and despair,
apathy and impossibility,
and it will be a war without bloodshed.

The truth is, I am not all of that.
My love is unwanted and I left passion behind,
my desires gone and dreams crushed,
words unspoken are weapons not made.

But the truth is, I am not powerless.
All I require is time.
Time will change me, and in return,
I will be Change.

Written in about, hmm. 20~30 minutes. Not proofread. Will not edit.

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