Homesick

Lets see how well I can word it.

“Places I can cry are in the bathroom…

…and in Daddy’s arms.”

– Okazaki Ushio, Clannad Afterstory (2008-2009)

I can do this. Not because I’m strong, but because I don’t trust myself to be able to hold back once it starts.

I’ll elaborate: it’s not my parents that I really miss. It’s that one kid in Cal Poly, the other in Davis, a few in Berkeley, a whole bunch in San Jose, one in Washington, a lot in San Mateo, that one in Japan… There’s so many…so, so many…

Even if I can’t give them a hug right now, as long as I know that they’re smiling and happy, I’ll be fine. (Not saying that I wouldn’t want to wrap my arms around a friend and cry like a child…)

You see, I’m not good with words when I’m crying while typing because my vision gets all blurry and I can’t really see what I’m typing anymore…

I miss… I miss my family, and it breaks my heart sometimes, knowing that there’s another month (and more) before I can see my family.

I may or may not be sniffling, I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what I’m really feeling. Sadness, guilt, pain, hope…

I am going to say something very embarrassing and I might be groaning about it in my bed later and I’m going to get it out before I have second thoughts about it.

I love you all. Very much.

Lets meet in a month, and bring tissues or wear waterproof jackets, please. God knows how many tears I might shed.

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