Dun, du-du-du-dun, dun.


I still don’t feel it.

I guess you can say that I am sad, in some ways, but overall, I just feel…still. It’s like everything around me is moving at a really fast pace but here I am, standing in the middle of it all, watching with detached eyes as friends leave their comfortable, sheltered groups for the world. I am packing too, for my visit back to China, but it feels like I’ll really be gone.

This is my first trip since high school that:

  1. is more than two weeks long
  2. during which I won’t see any of my friends

I’ve never had that and honestly, I feel uncomfortable. Worse is that I won’t have much to do in China because my auntie is sick and all of my cousins have taken enough breaks already. I’ll just be babysitting at home, watching over the kids while the adults work. I’m even bringing study material back to China, which is a first for any of my trips.

I just went to school to get my diploma today and as I held the envelope with the half sheet of paper in it I just realized that it took four years to get this one tiny sheet of paper. Four years and much suffering, gods.

But in some ways I feel different. To put it in a really simple way, I feel bigger. There’s more that I can do now and I like knowing that, that I am stronger.

Gods, still, I have to wait until I’m a legal adult and it’s nearly painful now.

I want to know that there is a difference. But what has changed? Nothing, really. I’m still the same person I am, except that the state has recognized that I’ve completed a set of course material and that I’m ready for the next one.

This is really similar to leveling up in Mario. We’re essentially still the same person with the same abilities. It’s just that we’ll be in different environments and that things will get a bit harder. Progressively. A lot harder.

Wee. Woot. Excited. Yay.


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